What is success?

This question has been a lot in my mind lately. I haven't really been thinking about success, rather my values. But in the end, it all comes to success.

What is success?

A few years ago it was clear: I have to study something useful that guaranties a safe life and revenue, finish my studies with excellent grades, find a good job corresponding to my studies, learn new languages, acquire international work experience, find a nice apartment, settle down. Plus, I have to look good, follow the latest trends, take care of my health and be in an excellent shape.

Nevertheless, last year many of those things lost their meaning. I got an opportunity to go again for a student exchange. I was offered an appreciated internship. I could have worked last summer and earn extra marks in my CV. 

I said no.

This was all very confusing. Why to refuse an excellent opportunity?

Finally, I know the answer. I said no, because it wasn't an excellent opportunity for me anymore. It was that for someone else. For a long time, I have been mostly driven by external values and directed by the ego: what does the society expect from me? What is socially acceptable? What is the most logic direction to take?

At the same time, magazines talk about young career people who consider taking care of their children a huge burden. Like they had to give up on something more important in their lives. Also, parents put they children in special schools earlier and earlier to make sure they start building a successful life as early as possible. To make sure they enter the best universities. Maximise their potential.

Again, what is success?

Isn't it taking care of your own children and watch them growing up a great gift? 

Isn't it important that children can live a careless childhood without pressure and find their own purpose?

Last year I had a feeling something was missing. But the answer was there all the time.

For me success is listening to my heart and intuition, what ever it tells me to do. And do it. Live for my purpose. Success is being able to live happily in this moment. To appreciate the things in my life now.

Success is to find that inner peace. Balance between you and the others. You might have to give up on your career, salary, basic safety and make difficult choices to find something that truly serves your inner purpose and values. But In the end, I believe, it will all come back to you.

The time stopped

My plans changed totally 
as I got sick.

Had to cancel my trip 

to Helsinki
and stay in the countryside.

First 

I was disappointed,

but soon 

I understood,

I needed that break.

Terrible headache. 

I had to stop

everything.

the thesis, 

studies,

emails.

Sleeping long, 

sleeping in the morning,

sleeping in the afternoon, 

sleeping on the sofa, 

sleeping all the time.

 After a few days,

I was newborn.

Not sad anymore

I had to stay.

 

No Arms No Legs No Worries

This video certainly puts things in perspective.

A great story of the huge big impact our thoughts and 
attitude can have on our lives.

A nice bitch

This doesn't mean that you should not care. Just stop being a doormat.

I saw a friend posting this pic on Facebook and imediately had an inspiration to write about a book I recently read.

Ever thought why those guys who you actually ignore keep on chasing you?

Sherry Argov's "Why men love Bitches" is not at all a book on how to please men, the opposite: it is about pleasing yourself and that way getting a nice relationship.

Many girls tend to forget themselves when they start to date a guy. We want to be perfect girlfriends and make sure man has everything he needs: we cook for him, prepare for hours to look our best and even change our plans just to meet him. We stop to see our friends. We make sure we are available all the time.

But in the end nobody wins. Men get bored with women who are too dependent on them and have no own plans and opinions. And women get disappointed as after all that effort men don't appreciate it. The message of the book is simple: just be yourself and keep on doing your thing. Men will treat you as you treat yourself.

This book blew my mind. Personally I regocnized I have been too "nice" too often. I have always had difficulties to say no. When a guy suggests something, it is "ok", I let him decide. I have waited a guy to inform me about his plans before making my own plans. And worst of all, I have not talked enough about my future plans and dreams.

Also, the person I am with has the right to know what I want from my life. Only then it is based on reality.

But in the end, what is the worst thing could happen if I was just being myself and did my thing 100%? The guy would dumb me? Ha! Then he is not the right one.

This book sounded like some superficial cosmo stuff, but I am happy I read it. It provided very useful tools to get over the nicegirlsyndrome.

I highly recommend!

Some principles from the author:

• It is your attitude about yourself that a man will adopt.

• The biggest difference between a bitch and a woman who is too nice is fear. The bitch shows that she’s not afraid to be without him

• If the choice is between her dignity and having a relationship, the bitch will prioritize her dignity above all else.

Quality moments

Finland, what a great country, thank you so much!

It must be true that you only know what you got once you lose it. Before I took being at home for granted, now it feels like I am on a luxury holiday.

Everything has gone just perfectly since I came. Sunshine, diamond snow, fresh coldness. We broke the coldness record again today, minus 39 degrees or so. It is pretty cold and ok I am not surprised I saw some complaints in peoples fb statuses. But this is so great. In continental Europe winter is humid, wet, muddy and grey. This is the real winter!

Plus I have been eating all those Finnish delicious foods I really missed: salmon in the oven, Carelian pies, Christmas cookies (yes I know Christmas is in 10 months), rasberries, blue berries, rye bread...and sauna accompagned with a cool apple cider.

Now listening the sound of the fire place and looking out of the window. Everything is so calm, it seems like the time has stopped. Oh yes, more these kind of moments. This is food for the soul. 

About priorities

Just one example why it is so important to fix some priorities and keep them in mind all the time.

Last year I decided to switch from fulltime working back to fulltime studying. First of all, my timetable changed totally. There was no longer regular early mornings and 8 hour days, but lessons there and there and lots of free time I had to use "efficiently" in studying. In other words, my life became much less organised from outside and I had to manage time by myself. At the same time, my revenues dropped from decent salary on the level of a student grant.

The new irregular life style turned out to be quite challenging to manage and before even noticing I had turned to a control freak: I started to have thoughts such as "I am irresponsible living like this just studying and spending, I must earn some money, I cannot go broke, that would be the end of the world". That time I didn't yet understand why the belgian students didn't study and work at the same time as we do in Finland.

So I started working as a conference assistant. Everytime I had some freetime, I booked a few hours of work. First I was quite happy I was actually doing something "useful", not just staying at home and studying.

Nevertheless, it became clear very soon that I had underestimated the workload in the university: the school stuff started to accumulate in my mind, not even talking about my personal life. I was doing so many things at the same time but nothing really well. I became moody, stressed and nervous as my freetime had shrinked tremendously. Finally it was my boyfriend's comment that brought me back to reality: I had neglegted studying in order to do a stupid student work! I was so worried about being broke and "irresponsible" that I actually forgot my first priority: finish the studies in order to get a real job. This way, I would never finish and get a real job.


I had started to think short term and forgot my long term priorities. Instead of being efficient I was multitasking things that would not bring me any closer to the most important thing.

So, I had to ask myself what was really important and trust on life a bit. I took a loan and decided not to worry about being broke. Be less hard for myself. Just do one thing at once. I actually never questioned my own thoughts, but were telling myself I MUST do this and I MUST do that. I must never take a student loan. Hello, what are those loans for?

Now I have learned to enjoy those lazy mornings, careless afternoons and manage my time as I know there is only one thing I have to concentrate on. So what if I was broke, health is so much more important and I have all the time to work after I graduate.


For many people, this kind of issue would not be a problem like it was for me. We all have our own challenges. Sometimes, it is just good to think about WHY we actually do things and what is really necessary.

Awesome!

Check out the 3 A:s of Awesome by Neil Pasricha: Attitude, Awareness and Authenticity.

 

>

Attitude: when we encounter an unwanted challenge we have two options: to be sad, depressed and miserable forever or
to continue our lives even stronger and even more positive. 

Awareness: being able to see things like you saw them for the first time.

Authenticity: be yourself what ever it takes and be proud of it!


Awesome things everyday on:

http://1000awesomethings.com/

Happiness is the way

Why this blog? I have never been a writer or exactly enjoyed writing before. But sometimes small miracles happen: some ideas are simply worth of spreading!

Life is full of surprises. Unfortunately sometimes unexpected changes or accidents might change our plans totally, not in the way we hoped. Our heart might break or we might lose our health, or a person we love. Suddenly the whole world looks black and grey. But these moments can actually bring us something. 

The way we see life might change. 

There are some people who seem to be always on a good mood and radiate their energy to all the people around them. Wish I was one of them! For other people, it is not that simple. Even if everything was great in our lives, we sometimes become blind to those things. People tend to be critical towards themselves and others and see only the negative things around them: If I had that job I would be happy or if only my boyfriend would change, I would be happier. This is the sure way to be unhappy for the rest of your life. We can only change our own thinking, we cannot change other people. The happiness is between our ears and depends only on ourselves.

How often do you remember to be grateful of your health, family, friends and simple things like your job, that cup of coffee, warm shower and the fact that you are not alone? Sometimes a reason to be grateful might simply be that a bad day is over or you finally left something unpleasant behind you. But the main message is to be aware of those great things you have in your life, everyday.

So, to come to an end, last Christmas I started to write down at least five things everyday that I am grateful for. This method is recommended by many spiritual authors and coaches in order to be more aware of the positive things in our lives. First it was a little difficult, but after some weeks I noticed that something had changed. I was obliged to turn my attention more and more to positive things, and it worked out. I was so excited about this change that I decided not to keep it only for myself but to share it with you. The only way to be happy is to live in the moment and appreciate the things in my life NOW.

  

There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way. – Wayne Dyer

Five reasons to be happy today: