Really, be yourself, make the decisions that serve your best interest and be selfish sometimes. I am not talking about becoming a complete narcissist or egoistic person, but in the end everyone puts them selves first - no reson to please other people with your choices if you don't feel good about them yourself. In the end we only live for ourselves.
Get used to the fact that everyone will not like you. It is ok to compromise sometimes, but sacrifising yourself for others will only make you feel bitter and unhappy in the long term. Moreover, by being consciously selfish will make yourself happy and that on the other hand will make people around you happy as well, right?
How can you know you made the right decision?
Some people say there are only right decisions: in a certain moment we can only make that one decision based on our current knowledge and following our gut feeling.
But which should we listen to, our head, heart or gut?
Like a good friends of mine put it: it is good to follow your heart, but your head should agree.
However, a posting by a psychologist Christine Meinecke tells that simply following your heart (feelings) is a bad advice: acting spontaneously on our feelings is normally safe when the feelings are positive. However, when the feelings are negative such as anxiety or fear that could prevent us going through a process that could be rewarding in the end- following your "heart " or feelings could be misleading. "Do not override intellect and intuition by following your heart." We should be able to distinguish between intuition(the "gut")and our feelings and decide based on our intuition and intellect only.
Life coach Connie Chapman makes different conclusions about following our heart and head. Or maybe she means "head" by what Christine meant by "negative feelings", such as fear and anxiety.
According to Connie our head is often defending our ego, that might start doubting and making up excuses not to follow our dreams. Following our hearts means listening to our inner voice and dreams that might, on the other hand, scare the hell out of us. But our dreams should scare the hell out of us, because otherwise they are not big enough.
But what if you feel really afraid?
If we listen to the advise of the book "Attitude is everything", we need to confront our fears when making decisions. We might feel relief after taking the safe path and staying in our confront zones, but in the long term...there is a price you pay:
Your self-esteem is lowered.
You feel powerless and frustrated.
You sabotage your success.
You lead an uneventful, boring life.
All this is true, but in my opinion there is another dimension to this: many people keep on achieving, taking unnecessary risks and forgetting to live in this moment, because they feel achieving or overworking is the basis of their self worth, a way to gain appreciation and admiration.
It also takes courage to decide not to accept a job offer, take unnecessary health risks and recognize your own limits. Making the distinction between what you're happy with and accepting a challenge might seem difficult.
I just made an important decision that was rather complex, at least it was to me. I feel good that I made the decision in the end, because indecision takes a lot of energy.
But I took my decision half based on fear and half on my intution, which left me confused and thinking about decision making. I did not follow a job opportunity in a country that was considered dangerous by some people. A country that had taught me many good things and been good to me, but where I felt often homesick and restrickted.
What is sure, we should not spend time on regretting our decisions. There is always a meaning for everything. A lot of things depend on your attitude. There is always a valuable lesson to learn.
How to take better decisions?
1. Before taking an important decision, it is better to estimate how realistic the risks and your fears actually are. What is the worst thing that could actually happen? Or are you afraid of succeeding?
2. Take some time to decide, be patient. Our intuition speaks more clearly when we are calm and relaxed. Decisions should not be taken in a state of panic.
3. Talk to people who know you. Take other people into consideration in a way that you are honest about your decisions and their consequeces. Good decisions do not hurt people around you, but you cannot leave something undone because of the opinions of other people if you don't agree with them. You are the only one responsible for your decisions.
4. Imagine where you would be some days after your decision is done. How does that make you feel? Travel is often more important than the destionation: would you enjoy achieving your dream? Or does it feel something you have to do because other people expect it?
5. It is a cliché, but make a list of pros and cons. Is the decision based on your values? Where would your decision take you?
I noticed we enjoy our time more when we know it is limited.
For example: I come home to Finland for Christmas. I forget all the possible disagreements with my mum, giggle and joke with my brother and meet my old friends. Or, another example: I go for a short holiday and concentrate on all the good things about that country, relax and do all the exciting things I can possibly do in the time frame of my holiday.
My question is, why cannot we enjoy every day like this?
I do not mean we should forget about daily work and commitments. But often, it is easy to make up excuses, argue, procrastinate, complain or simply worry about the future or constantly think about work and stress. Last couple of weeks I was so worried and stressed about finding a job that I forgot to
do fun things that actually give me energy, such as reading, going out, traveling
and meeting people. Instead, I was putting my health and relationships at risk.
Why do we appreciate our time more when we know it is limited? Because we know the time is rare, unusual and therefore special. What if everyday was special? It is up to you!
How to be more grateful everyday:
1. Be conscious of all the things in your life you might be taking for granted, but which are actually the basis of your happiness: health, home, job and some extra money.
2. Every minute you are angry you lose 60 seconds of happiness. Really, you can start being happy NOW.
3. Keep a booklet next to your bed and write down every night at least 5 reasons your are grateful in your life. Sometimes, you might simply be happy this day is over and tomorrow is a new day.
4. Give good energy to people around you everyday: compliment your colleague, give your seat to others in a bus, hug your friend or partner. Tell people how much you like them and what you appreciate in them.
5. Fake it until you become it: it is scientifically proven that people who fake smile for 20 seconds, start feeling happier. Be aware of your body language and negative thoughts.
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