Vulnerability - over and over again

I have seen this video already a couple of times and always it reminds me of: you should have the courage to tell the world who you really are.

It's not that I don't do it. I am just afraid like many others that what I am or what I do would be rejected, not accepted or deprecated. But like Scott Dinsmore states in his blog, hiding what we truly are prohibits us to build close connections with other people. Without vulnerability it is all faking.

There is no big thing to hide, but small things can accumulate. I have been hiding by not always telling my real opinion. Denying my emotions or aspirations. Hiding my work or art. And also hiding this very blog from some very close people that I am afraid would just criticize it. That I would brake the perfect image they have of me. But this is sad! It is tiring to keep up a perfect image because it is built on what we think other people's expectations of us are, and not what we really feel or want.

For a long time, I haven't been sure of what I want. And this could be the reason for it. So far, I have somehow lost the my inner voice or more the courage to follow it. It is actually confusing: normally there has been someone supporting or encouraging me. For the moment there are more people criticizing me. This could have two implications: I am really forced to do what I think is the best, not what other people appreciate...or I have surrounded myself with negative people. My choice.

I read several articles and two books about decision making, thanks to recommendations of close friends. Some of them are very logical and rational, others tell you to trust more you intuition. But regarding my case, I should not take decisions based on fear and not seeking for a perfect solution. In more positive words: Trying things little by little and see if I like them. No big expectations.

Well this might sound very confusing, but my head is certainly more clear now.