How can you know you made the right decision?
Some people say there are only right decisions: in a certain moment we can only make that one decision based on our current knowledge and following our gut feeling.
But which should we listen to, our head, heart or gut?
Like a good friends of mine put it: it is good to follow your heart, but your head should agree.
However, a posting by a psychologist Christine Meinecke tells that simply following your heart (feelings) is a bad advice: acting spontaneously on our feelings is normally safe when the feelings are positive. However, when the feelings are negative such as anxiety or fear that could prevent us going through a process that could be rewarding in the end- following your "heart " or feelings could be misleading. "Do not override intellect and intuition by following your heart." We should be able to distinguish between intuition(the "gut")and our feelings and decide based on our intuition and intellect only.
Life coach Connie Chapman makes different conclusions about following our heart and head. Or maybe she means "head" by what Christine meant by "negative feelings", such as fear and anxiety.
According to Connie our head is often defending our ego, that might start doubting and making up excuses not to follow our dreams. Following our hearts means listening to our inner voice and dreams that might, on the other hand, scare the hell out of us. But our dreams should scare the hell out of us, because otherwise they are not big enough.
But what if you feel really afraid?
If we listen to the advise of the book "Attitude is everything", we need to confront our fears when making decisions. We might feel relief after taking the safe path and staying in our confront zones, but in the long term...there is a price you pay:
Your self-esteem is lowered.
You feel powerless and frustrated.
You sabotage your success.
You lead an uneventful, boring life.
All this is true, but in my opinion there is another dimension to this: many people keep on achieving, taking unnecessary risks and forgetting to live in this moment, because they feel achieving or overworking is the basis of their self worth, a way to gain appreciation and admiration.
It also takes courage to decide not to accept a job offer, take unnecessary health risks and recognize your own limits. Making the distinction between what you're happy with and accepting a challenge might seem difficult.
I just made an important decision that was rather complex, at least it was to me. I feel good that I made the decision in the end, because indecision takes a lot of energy.
But I took my decision half based on fear and half on my intution, which left me confused and thinking about decision making. I did not follow a job opportunity in a country that was considered dangerous by some people. A country that had taught me many good things and been good to me, but where I felt often homesick and restrickted.
What is sure, we should not spend time on regretting our decisions. There is always a meaning for everything. A lot of things depend on your attitude. There is always a valuable lesson to learn.
How to take better decisions?
1. Before taking an important decision, it is better to estimate how realistic the risks and your fears actually are. What is the worst thing that could actually happen? Or are you afraid of succeeding?
2. Take some time to decide, be patient. Our intuition speaks more clearly when we are calm and relaxed. Decisions should not be taken in a state of panic.
3. Talk to people who know you. Take other people into consideration in a way that you are honest about your decisions and their consequeces. Good decisions do not hurt people around you, but you cannot leave something undone because of the opinions of other people if you don't agree with them. You are the only one responsible for your decisions.
4. Imagine where you would be some days after your decision is done. How does that make you feel? Travel is often more important than the destionation: would you enjoy achieving your dream? Or does it feel something you have to do because other people expect it?
5. It is a cliché, but make a list of pros and cons. Is the decision based on your values? Where would your decision take you?
Feelings are there to guide you, not to take control over you. They always start from a set of beliefs; so if you want to change those beliefs, you have to go against these feelings. In the end, they change too. Only reason can truly guide you as it creates vision.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment dreamer. What do you mean by reason, a purely intellectual goal? life purpose?
ReplyDeleteIt is interesting how much our beliefs can impact us and how little we are aware of them. How can you regognize whether those beliefs are against you or there to protect you?
Beliefs are just there, they come from environment, education etc. but at a very deep level. Most people are not even aware of them, it usually takes another point of view to recognize them. They are the basis upon which your decide what is good/protective or bad/endangering for you. So your last question cannot be answered.
ReplyDeleteReason is indeed, as you say, intellectual. But also empathy, spiritual etc. which can be called 'intuition'. It differs from beliefs as they come from outside and not the other way around. And, by listening to this intuition, you can either ignore them or use them to shape your belief system. But that needs courage, which is the antidote to fear that is present as your belief system cannot cope with some experiences you might have.
As for life purpose, I believe (believe) that this will come automatically when nothing is obstructing this to come (false beliefs that are there to 'protect' you). As the famous novel starts: "All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." Meaning that one can only get it right when there are no faults, or false beliefs.