Power of visualization

 

Only few months ago I was walking in the hot and dirty streets of Mumbai and despite of all the wonderful people I had met, their hospitality and friendship, I was thinking: I miss my old life style in Europe, being truly understood by people around me, the fact I could dress up how I wish and put my lovely winter boots on.

This week, only few months later, I was walking back to my apartment in Helsinki, relieved I had finally found a job. The sun was shining and the air was pure and clean. It was a calm and silent day, so silent I could hear the clatter of by boots against the street; and I realised my secret though had once again become true. And how fast.

This is not the only wish that became true.

In India I was very lucky to have a local family and their wide social network that helped me with the various challenges I faced such as finding a place to live, social contacts and even a job. They took care of me as I was part of their family. One thing I loved about Indians was their sincere way of caring and giving without asking anything back. My time in Mumbai would have been more harsh and stressful without their help. Still, all this caring made me feel like an outsider in a way I could not expect. I started to think: what am I doing here, when my very own family is far away from me? How could I give something back? I started to feel homesick for the first time in my life, even though I had lived abroad before for years.

And, just two minths later I found myself back to my country after living six years abroad. I had always wanted to go to India for some mysterious reason. When I think about my experience now, perhaps I had to go there just to realize I want to go back to Finland, or to end up in Finland.

Visualization is a powerful tool that might determine your future were you concious about it or not. Things might not turn exactly the way you imagined or hoped, but your mind is determing the direction you are going, what you pay attention to and who you spend your time with.

When you think about your past, did you feel like having an ice-latte and suddenly found one just in the next corner? Did you imagine working abroad and soon later found yourself in an aeroplane? Did you get married in the church you always dreamed of? Did you encounter dangers and unconfortable situations because you were afraid of something?

Visualization is a powerful tool, be careful what you wish for!

About what others might think

Really, be yourself, make the decisions that serve your best interest and be selfish sometimes. I am not talking about becoming a complete narcissist or egoistic person, but in the end everyone puts them selves first -  no reson to please other people with your choices if you don't feel good about them yourself.  In the end we only live for ourselves. 

Get used to the fact that everyone will not like you. It is ok to compromise sometimes, but sacrifising yourself for others will only make you feel bitter and unhappy in the long term. Moreover, by being consciously selfish will make yourself happy and that on the other hand will make people around you happy as well, right?

Decision making - follow your head or heart?

How can you know you made the right decision? 

Some people say there are only right decisions: in a certain moment we can only make that one decision based on our current knowledge and following our gut feeling. 

But which should we listen to, our head, heart or gut?

Like a good friends of mine put it: it is good to follow your heart, but your head should agree. 
However, a posting by a psychologist Christine Meinecke tells that simply following your heart (feelings) is a bad advice: acting spontaneously on our feelings is normally safe when the feelings are positive. However, when the feelings are negative such as anxiety or fear that could prevent us going through a process that could be rewarding in the end- following your "heart " or feelings could be misleading. "Do not override intellect and intuition by following your heart." We should be able to distinguish between intuition(the "gut")and our feelings and decide based on our intuition and intellect only.

Life coach Connie Chapman makes different conclusions about following our heart and head. Or maybe she means "head" by what Christine meant by "negative feelings", such as fear and anxiety.
According to Connie our head is often defending our ego, that might start doubting and making up excuses not to follow our dreams. Following our hearts means listening to our inner voice and dreams that might, on the other hand, scare the hell out of us. But our dreams should scare the hell out of us, because otherwise they are not big enough.

But what if you feel really afraid?

If we listen to the advise of the book "Attitude is everything", we need to confront our fears when making decisions. We might feel relief after taking the safe path and staying in our confront zones, but in the long term...there is a price you pay:

Your self-esteem is lowered.
You feel powerless and frustrated.
You sabotage your success.
You lead an uneventful, boring life.

All this is true, but in my opinion there is another dimension to this: many people keep on achieving, taking unnecessary risks and forgetting to live in this moment, because they feel achieving or overworking is the basis of their self worth, a way to gain appreciation and admiration.

It also takes courage to decide not to accept a job offer, take unnecessary health risks and recognize your own limits. Making the distinction between what you're happy with and accepting a challenge might seem difficult.

I just made an important decision that was rather complex, at least it was to me. I feel good that I made the decision in the end, because indecision takes a lot of energy. 

But I took my decision half based on fear and half on my intution, which left me confused and thinking about decision making. I did not follow a job opportunity in a country that was considered dangerous by some people. A country that had taught me many good things and been good to me, but where I felt often homesick and restrickted. 

What is sure, we should not spend time on regretting our decisions. There is always a meaning for everything. A lot of things depend on your attitude. There is always a valuable lesson to learn.

How to take better decisions?

1. Before taking an important decision, it is better to estimate how realistic the risks and your fears actually are. What is the worst thing that could actually happen? Or are you afraid of succeeding?

2. Take some time to decide, be patient. Our intuition speaks more clearly when we are calm and relaxed. Decisions should not be taken in a state of panic.

3. Talk to people who know you. Take other people into consideration in a way that you are honest about your decisions and their consequeces. Good decisions do not hurt people around you, but you cannot leave something undone because of the opinions of other people if you don't agree with them. You are the only one responsible for your decisions.

4. Imagine where you would be some days after your decision is done. How does that make you feel? Travel is often more important than the destionation: would you enjoy achieving your dream? Or does it feel something you have to do because other people expect it?

5. It is a cliché, but make a list of pros and cons. Is the decision based on your values? Where would your decision take you?

How to be grateful everyday?

I noticed we enjoy our time more when we know it is limited. 

For example: I come home to Finland for Christmas. I forget all the possible disagreements with my mum, giggle and joke with my brother and meet my old friends. Or, another example: I go for a short holiday and concentrate on all the good things about that country, relax and do all the exciting things I can possibly do in the time frame of my holiday.

My question is, why cannot we enjoy every day like this?

I do not mean we should forget about daily work and commitments. But often, it is easy to make up excuses, argue, procrastinate, complain or simply worry about the future or constantly think about work and stress. Last couple of weeks I was so worried and stressed about finding a job that I forgot to do fun things that actually give me energy, such as reading, going out, traveling and meeting people. Instead, I was putting my health and relationships at risk.

Why do we appreciate our time more when we know it is limited? Because we know the time is rare, unusual and therefore special. What if everyday was special? It is up to you!

How to be more grateful everyday:

1. Be conscious of all the things in your life you might be taking for granted, but which are actually the basis of your happiness: health, home, job and some extra money.

2. Every minute you are angry you lose 60 seconds of happiness. Really, you can start being happy NOW.

3. Keep a booklet next to your bed and write down every night at least 5 reasons your are grateful in your life. Sometimes, you might simply be happy this day is over and tomorrow is a new day.

4. Give good energy to people around you everyday: compliment your colleague, give your seat to others in a bus, hug your friend or partner. Tell people how much you like them and what you appreciate in them.

5. Fake it until you become it: it is scientifically proven that people who fake smile for 20 seconds, start feeling happier. Be aware of your body language and negative thoughts.

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Why to celebrate your relationship?

Why is it so hard not tho tell your partner on a regular basis how well they did, how good they look, how much you love them?

I have friends who do this very well: they celebrate their anniversaries every 6 months, they kiss and compliment each other every time they meet, they remember the important dates and don't hesitate to show their affection to people around them as well. They seem like they are freshly in love even after dating each other for four years, and still they don't over-do it.

As Suzanne Phillips writes on her relationship blog, couples not celebrating their relationship can find themselves in a dead end.

As much as celebration without fidelity lacks substance and drives suspicion, fidelity without celebration can feel like obligation or habit. Over the years, I have heard too many people struggling in relationships say “To live with a partner who just doesn’t notice you or what you do is lonelier than living alone."

By celebrating your relationship, you make a difference between your affection to your partner and other people. We all want and deserve to be noticed. Unfortunately, couples who go for cheating often justify their action by "I did not have any affection or attention from my partner, I was feeling lonely and taken for granted".

Life is short. Why not celebrating the relationship everyday and make the most out of what you still have?

Preparing for Christmas - cards

I was in an horry for a Diwali party here in Mumbai and had to find a card - fast. As I had painting supplies, paper and pencils at home, the fastest option seemed to do it myself!

The card was successful, so I got inspired and started crafting also Christmas cards. All you need is paper, watercolors, scissors and some glitter. These are the first ones to go:

Small things matter - Inbox background

I suddenly realized my gmail inbox looks very depressing. I had chosen a "space" theme as my background and the whole inbox looked black because the orange planets were covered by my incoming emails.

This had to change!

I chose a mountain background with a blue sky and the had an amazing surprise. The colours of the landscape are changing: sometimes it is a clear sky, sometimes a sunset, sunrise etc. Now I am looking forward to open my inbox everyday and curious to see how it looks like. And this background is certainly making me feel more positive.

Ouch

 

The aftermath

Learn and let go - or the other way around?

It is funny how things suddenly are put in a different perspective when you step out from a situation and let go.

No matter how painful it has been, I know letting go was the only way out. I have tried to change before, but I never had similar insights I have had now. Since then, I am able to look at things objectively and learning so much about relationships, myself, the other person and love. It makes me less sad and more calm when I realize this was for the best of everyone and had to happen to turn things better. Only now I can see clearly what I appreciate, what I want and what I will miss.

It is true that we have to like and care about ourselves first, otherwise we have nothing to give to another person. By loving and respecting ourselves, we attract people who show us love and respect and automatically become more generous in loving other people. By focusing on what we appreciate in the other person, we get more on what we focus on. Same goes for complaints.

In the and couples should simply have more fun!

Comforting words from Marci Shimoff - The Secret

Even if you're having a really hard time in a relationship... things aren't working, you're not getting along, someone's in your face... you still can turn that relationship around.
Take a piece of paper, and for the next thirty days, once a day sit down and write all the things that you appreciate about that person. Think about all the reasons that you love them. You appreciate their sense of humor, you appreciate how supportive they are. And what you'll find is that when you focus on appreciating and acknowledging their strengths, that's what you'll get more of. And the problems will fade away.

What if it is too late?


Sometimes it is too late, but at least we can always learn and improve ourselves. People also change. Not all the relationships are meant to last. If we could feel joy and positive feelings with anyone by just loving ourselves, it would not matter who our life partner was. Before getting there we need to know what we want, and then become that person ourselves.

Secret thoughts

Somehow today I noticed the friend I am living with has the book "The Secret". It was placed back in its place in the bookself as all the Diwali decorations were removed today. I saw the book just when I needed it the most. Or perhaps it was the prayer last night asking that everything will be alright again.

I open the book on the page "Secret made simple". I have read the book already, but I learn again: our emotions tell about our feelings. Change your thoughts to positive and you will feel good again. We deserve all the good things life has to offer. Life is what you think it is, so I might start telling myself everyday: "life is so easy, life is good and all good things come to me!" Because everything I think about, I WANT.

Maybe this is a solution to my chronic crying reactions. I have noticed I am thinking or hearing negative things when I start crying. Instead, I could tell myself: everything is ok, and is going to be amazing, you are safe.

What ever I want, I can ask the universe to have it. I only have to ask once. However, it is only possible to have it delivered if I deliberately believe in it and have true faith.

So I ask. There is nothing to lose. I deserve all the good things in life.

I look at the treetops on the sunny sky I can see from the living room window and think how happy I am for all the love I have in my life and send it to everyone in my thoughts.

Aquarelle painting

When I heard that a friend of a friend is organising an aquarelle painting course here in Mumbai, I decided to join right away.

Last time I did this was probably in high school! 

 Pots and shadows

 

 Practising flowers

 

 Mumbai skyline

 

Bottles

There is nothing lacking

Most regretted before dying

I did bump into this blog by Bronnie Ware inspirations and chai, but I was kind of looking for it as today I have been reflecting what are the most important things in my life and how I want to spend the rest of it.Bronnie worked years with people in the hospital who where close to their death and she could learn many important lessons from them: what are the top 5 most regretted things before death?

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

2. I wish I didn't work so hard.

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier. 

Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.

Coming to India has always been my dream and now I am here. I have seen amazing things: the mountains, all colors of sunsets, eaten delicious food and seen many people smile and spent time with local families and friends. I have also seen so much poverty, waste and illness I haven't seen the last 6 months. I have learned a lot and excited to learn more. The dirt, heat and the fact that nothing works so well is not that bad. It is all ok. Nevertheless, it is clear one things is missing: my own friends and family. It is really true that you see near when you go far. This feeling has been overwhelming the last couple of days and I have been skype calling with my friends and family oversees. It will be fine. I will get used to it, I will find my social circles in the end.

Still, the feeling is stronger: I do want to spend more time with those who are important to me and not to regret spending all my life working far away abroad.

Painting

The world of introverts

Why are you so silent and in your head again, why can't you ever be happy? How can you listen to that depressing music?

What do you mean? I AM happy. And this music is not depressing. At least not for me.

I though there was something wrong with me before Susan Cain actually said it alould: Introverts are often blaimed to be antisocial and weaker especilly at work because they are not continuously chatting and talking enthusiastically with everyone. But this is their strenght. Some people just need space and silence in order to be creative.

Most importantly, introverts enjoy listening nostalgic music, reading emotional books and thinking about nostalgic moments. This IS happiness for them. We do not have to shout it to the world. Outsiders please understand.

Give it away

Can money buy Happiness? Yes!

Start giving your money away.

Co-active coaching

Yes, because we are all AMAZING.

Last weekend I finally made one of my dreams to come true. I am still so excited about it I feel like smiling to strangers and walking feels like dancing!

I participated in a Fundamentals course in Co-active coaching by CTI - The Coaches Training Institute in London. I thought I already knew a lot about coaching after reading so many books on life coaching, maditation, mindfullness etc. but it turned out there is so much more! Coaching is about practising it, not about reading and making notes.

Coaching includes a special set of skills such as listening in three different levels and putting all the attention to the coachee, who is the center of attention. Coaching is not about the coach itself, giving answers or opinions at all, but helping the coachee to find the answers in them selves and take the next steps to make their wildest dreams come true! Believe it or not, but what I have seen last weekend this is true and amazing!

Most importantly, coaching is not concentrating on problems. I thought going deeper into problems was necessary to solve them, but concentrating too much on the problem actually keeps us in low and negative energies, which on the other hand prevents us to see the solution. Instead, coaching aims to lift people up and make them see what is really important to them by focusing on what they love, makes them feel wonderful, smile and shine. The secret is to stay in the higher energies where we have the most creative and positive view on our lives. We all are naturally creative, resourceful and amazing. Isn't that great!

There is so much more to come!

Are you really listening?

I pumbed into this poem, which reminds us what listening is all about. Do you feel people are really listening to you? Are you really listening others?

"When I ask you to listen to me, and you start to give advice you have not done what I asked.

When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me why I shouldn't feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings.

When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do something to solve my problem, you have failed me, strange as that may seem.

Listen. All I asked was that you listen, not talk or do - just hear me.

Advice is cheap; two cents will get you both Dear Abby and Billy Graham in the same newspaper.

And I can do for myself; I'm not helpless.

When you do something for me that I can and need to do for myself, you contribute to my fear and weakness.

But when you accept as a simple fact that I do feel what I feel, no matter how irrational, then I can quit trying to convince you and can get about the business of-understanding what's behind this irrational feeling.

And when that's clear, the answers are obvious and I don't need advice.

Irrational feelings make sense when we understand what's behind them. Perhaps that's why prayer and meditation works, sometimes, for some people because a Higher Power is mute and doesn't give advice or try to fix things. Meditation and prayer is talking to our inner-self which only listens... and lets us work it out for ourselves.

So, please -Listen and just hear me. And if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn; and I'll listen to you."

--Anonymous

"A naturally therapeutic person is one who, by a natural response to those in pain, empowers them to realize their own healing potential lies within them, and never in the one who is helping or giving advice."

-- Jaquelyn Small, 1993

Gratefull also today

The original idea of this blog was to be more aware of the things in my life I am gratefull for and write them down every day. Ok, I wrote so many things down, but didn't succeed to do it every single day. Anyways, I just went through all the pages I had filled so far and I was surprised they were so many and there were some very funny reasons to be gretafull. There is always something positive in one's day. Some extracts: 

I am happy that...

• I finally made that phone call
• sun is shining
• I called my parents
• I am Healthy and in good shape
• that I could read that boring report
• that I feel something even if it is sadness
• I can do that exam tomorrow, it is one step closer to the degree
• I ate speculoos ice cream
• I have wonderful friends
• I could speak about my feelings
• so many things are possible for me
• this shitty day is almost over
• tomorrow is a new day
• I don't have to know everything now
• I learned something new about him
• I have everything I need

To be continued :)

Beautiful, wonderful song

Dried wells and fallen trees
Breaking Ice and poison seas
All these things I’m told could end my world
Sunlight and missing shields
Flooded plains and blackened fields
All these things I’m told could ruin my world
Statesmen and lawful thieves
Short term gains and hidden deals
All these things I’m told could end my world
Aint it time we had a saviour
Someone beautiful, beautiful
Were in need of a redeemer
Someone wonderful wonderful

Air Power and rapid streams
Sailing ships and solar dreams
All these things I’m told could save my world
Small feats and bigger dreams
Greater goods and less machines
All these things I know can change my world

But as far as I can see
There's no one watching over me
No one who could come and save my world

Maybe I could be a saviour,
Someone beautiful, beautiful
Maybe you could be our leader,
Someone wonderful, wonderful.