Power of visualization

 

Only few months ago I was walking in the hot and dirty streets of Mumbai and despite of all the wonderful people I had met, their hospitality and friendship, I was thinking: I miss my old life style in Europe, being truly understood by people around me, the fact I could dress up how I wish and put my lovely winter boots on.

This week, only few months later, I was walking back to my apartment in Helsinki, relieved I had finally found a job. The sun was shining and the air was pure and clean. It was a calm and silent day, so silent I could hear the clatter of by boots against the street; and I realised my secret though had once again become true. And how fast.

This is not the only wish that became true.

In India I was very lucky to have a local family and their wide social network that helped me with the various challenges I faced such as finding a place to live, social contacts and even a job. They took care of me as I was part of their family. One thing I loved about Indians was their sincere way of caring and giving without asking anything back. My time in Mumbai would have been more harsh and stressful without their help. Still, all this caring made me feel like an outsider in a way I could not expect. I started to think: what am I doing here, when my very own family is far away from me? How could I give something back? I started to feel homesick for the first time in my life, even though I had lived abroad before for years.

And, just two minths later I found myself back to my country after living six years abroad. I had always wanted to go to India for some mysterious reason. When I think about my experience now, perhaps I had to go there just to realize I want to go back to Finland, or to end up in Finland.

Visualization is a powerful tool that might determine your future were you concious about it or not. Things might not turn exactly the way you imagined or hoped, but your mind is determing the direction you are going, what you pay attention to and who you spend your time with.

When you think about your past, did you feel like having an ice-latte and suddenly found one just in the next corner? Did you imagine working abroad and soon later found yourself in an aeroplane? Did you get married in the church you always dreamed of? Did you encounter dangers and unconfortable situations because you were afraid of something?

Visualization is a powerful tool, be careful what you wish for!

About what others might think

Really, be yourself, make the decisions that serve your best interest and be selfish sometimes. I am not talking about becoming a complete narcissist or egoistic person, but in the end everyone puts them selves first -  no reson to please other people with your choices if you don't feel good about them yourself.  In the end we only live for ourselves. 

Get used to the fact that everyone will not like you. It is ok to compromise sometimes, but sacrifising yourself for others will only make you feel bitter and unhappy in the long term. Moreover, by being consciously selfish will make yourself happy and that on the other hand will make people around you happy as well, right?

Decision making - follow your head or heart?

How can you know you made the right decision? 

Some people say there are only right decisions: in a certain moment we can only make that one decision based on our current knowledge and following our gut feeling. 

But which should we listen to, our head, heart or gut?

Like a good friends of mine put it: it is good to follow your heart, but your head should agree. 
However, a posting by a psychologist Christine Meinecke tells that simply following your heart (feelings) is a bad advice: acting spontaneously on our feelings is normally safe when the feelings are positive. However, when the feelings are negative such as anxiety or fear that could prevent us going through a process that could be rewarding in the end- following your "heart " or feelings could be misleading. "Do not override intellect and intuition by following your heart." We should be able to distinguish between intuition(the "gut")and our feelings and decide based on our intuition and intellect only.

Life coach Connie Chapman makes different conclusions about following our heart and head. Or maybe she means "head" by what Christine meant by "negative feelings", such as fear and anxiety.
According to Connie our head is often defending our ego, that might start doubting and making up excuses not to follow our dreams. Following our hearts means listening to our inner voice and dreams that might, on the other hand, scare the hell out of us. But our dreams should scare the hell out of us, because otherwise they are not big enough.

But what if you feel really afraid?

If we listen to the advise of the book "Attitude is everything", we need to confront our fears when making decisions. We might feel relief after taking the safe path and staying in our confront zones, but in the long term...there is a price you pay:

Your self-esteem is lowered.
You feel powerless and frustrated.
You sabotage your success.
You lead an uneventful, boring life.

All this is true, but in my opinion there is another dimension to this: many people keep on achieving, taking unnecessary risks and forgetting to live in this moment, because they feel achieving or overworking is the basis of their self worth, a way to gain appreciation and admiration.

It also takes courage to decide not to accept a job offer, take unnecessary health risks and recognize your own limits. Making the distinction between what you're happy with and accepting a challenge might seem difficult.

I just made an important decision that was rather complex, at least it was to me. I feel good that I made the decision in the end, because indecision takes a lot of energy. 

But I took my decision half based on fear and half on my intution, which left me confused and thinking about decision making. I did not follow a job opportunity in a country that was considered dangerous by some people. A country that had taught me many good things and been good to me, but where I felt often homesick and restrickted. 

What is sure, we should not spend time on regretting our decisions. There is always a meaning for everything. A lot of things depend on your attitude. There is always a valuable lesson to learn.

How to take better decisions?

1. Before taking an important decision, it is better to estimate how realistic the risks and your fears actually are. What is the worst thing that could actually happen? Or are you afraid of succeeding?

2. Take some time to decide, be patient. Our intuition speaks more clearly when we are calm and relaxed. Decisions should not be taken in a state of panic.

3. Talk to people who know you. Take other people into consideration in a way that you are honest about your decisions and their consequeces. Good decisions do not hurt people around you, but you cannot leave something undone because of the opinions of other people if you don't agree with them. You are the only one responsible for your decisions.

4. Imagine where you would be some days after your decision is done. How does that make you feel? Travel is often more important than the destionation: would you enjoy achieving your dream? Or does it feel something you have to do because other people expect it?

5. It is a cliché, but make a list of pros and cons. Is the decision based on your values? Where would your decision take you?

How to be grateful everyday?

I noticed we enjoy our time more when we know it is limited. 

For example: I come home to Finland for Christmas. I forget all the possible disagreements with my mum, giggle and joke with my brother and meet my old friends. Or, another example: I go for a short holiday and concentrate on all the good things about that country, relax and do all the exciting things I can possibly do in the time frame of my holiday.

My question is, why cannot we enjoy every day like this?

I do not mean we should forget about daily work and commitments. But often, it is easy to make up excuses, argue, procrastinate, complain or simply worry about the future or constantly think about work and stress. Last couple of weeks I was so worried and stressed about finding a job that I forgot to do fun things that actually give me energy, such as reading, going out, traveling and meeting people. Instead, I was putting my health and relationships at risk.

Why do we appreciate our time more when we know it is limited? Because we know the time is rare, unusual and therefore special. What if everyday was special? It is up to you!

How to be more grateful everyday:

1. Be conscious of all the things in your life you might be taking for granted, but which are actually the basis of your happiness: health, home, job and some extra money.

2. Every minute you are angry you lose 60 seconds of happiness. Really, you can start being happy NOW.

3. Keep a booklet next to your bed and write down every night at least 5 reasons your are grateful in your life. Sometimes, you might simply be happy this day is over and tomorrow is a new day.

4. Give good energy to people around you everyday: compliment your colleague, give your seat to others in a bus, hug your friend or partner. Tell people how much you like them and what you appreciate in them.

5. Fake it until you become it: it is scientifically proven that people who fake smile for 20 seconds, start feeling happier. Be aware of your body language and negative thoughts.

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Why to celebrate your relationship?

Why is it so hard not tho tell your partner on a regular basis how well they did, how good they look, how much you love them?

I have friends who do this very well: they celebrate their anniversaries every 6 months, they kiss and compliment each other every time they meet, they remember the important dates and don't hesitate to show their affection to people around them as well. They seem like they are freshly in love even after dating each other for four years, and still they don't over-do it.

As Suzanne Phillips writes on her relationship blog, couples not celebrating their relationship can find themselves in a dead end.

As much as celebration without fidelity lacks substance and drives suspicion, fidelity without celebration can feel like obligation or habit. Over the years, I have heard too many people struggling in relationships say “To live with a partner who just doesn’t notice you or what you do is lonelier than living alone."

By celebrating your relationship, you make a difference between your affection to your partner and other people. We all want and deserve to be noticed. Unfortunately, couples who go for cheating often justify their action by "I did not have any affection or attention from my partner, I was feeling lonely and taken for granted".

Life is short. Why not celebrating the relationship everyday and make the most out of what you still have?

Preparing for Christmas - cards

I was in an horry for a Diwali party here in Mumbai and had to find a card - fast. As I had painting supplies, paper and pencils at home, the fastest option seemed to do it myself!

The card was successful, so I got inspired and started crafting also Christmas cards. All you need is paper, watercolors, scissors and some glitter. These are the first ones to go:

Small things matter - Inbox background

I suddenly realized my gmail inbox looks very depressing. I had chosen a "space" theme as my background and the whole inbox looked black because the orange planets were covered by my incoming emails.

This had to change!

I chose a mountain background with a blue sky and the had an amazing surprise. The colours of the landscape are changing: sometimes it is a clear sky, sometimes a sunset, sunrise etc. Now I am looking forward to open my inbox everyday and curious to see how it looks like. And this background is certainly making me feel more positive.